VIDEO VERSION AVAILABLE - February 21, 2021

*The video version includes cleaner narration and “2020 Notes” to elaborate and clarify points made in the original reading in 2019.

I’d say that, yes, he does feel underappreciated but with the way I was seeing it, this is playing on personal insecurities, like very deeply rooted ones, to the point where what people say or do in response to his work does nothing but validate his own self-perception. So, positive feedback is questioned by him, where as negative is expected. He doesn’t get mad or upset with negative feedback or the lack of recognition unless it extends to the other members, and in that regard, he feels like it’s his fault. Like that criticism or hate was meant for him, all of it, and it somehow leaked over to the others, so he owes it to them to be the defense, to do the talking, to be the human shield while still doing his part as a leader to help them make their own way.

I pulled some cards for clarification and I was shown a very clear disconnect between his perception and reality, or what he does and what he feels. First was the 9 of Swords with the 5 of Pentacles in reverse. He feels guilty and extremely weighed down by issues the group had experienced in the past because of him in spite of the fact that he lifted them from that state and was a spearhead in their progression as well as a prominent figure in the maintenance of their status. He bettered himself for the group, but he still feels guilty, and people still point past bullshit out, and he expects them to.

Then he has The Hermit in reverse with the Wheel of Fortune showing a lack of trust and in his own mind, his own vision, his own way of seeing himself and the world in spite of the fact that his vision and his expression lead to incredibly magnificent shifts in perspective and ways of thinking within the other members and the audience. He was the mastermind behind all of the messages and stories and whatever else, a lot of which people liked to call “fake deep” simply because THEY couldn’t understand it, and thereby cementing the idea that he has nothing good to give because he can’t give it in the way that people want to receive it, which is dumbed down to the point of repetitive oohs and ahhs. 

There’s an aspect here that’s coming mostly from being misunderstood, of certain things being interpreted wrong or the messages not getting out clearly enough, all while not wanting to, being able to, or knowing how to actually clarify. He’s tried to remedy that with open communication and expression to justify that perspective, but even that gets shit on, and validates that perception. Very annoying. That’s like an unbreakable cycle.

Then at the end there, he has The Lovers in reverse with the 9 of Cups showing a lack of belief in or connection to his own soul or guidance, no sense of purpose, in spite of the fact that he feels it and has witnessed his life move smoothly down a line which led him to the 9 of Cups. The 9 of Cups is not something you experience without being in alignment, without following the soul, without having and fulfilling your purpose, but when you question yourself, and you have people telling you that you aren’t supposed to be there, you’re not good for the group, you’re not an artist, you have no right to exist in this space, you’ll deny your own experiences, your own feelings, your own soul. Very sad and upsetting.

All of these things are lingering from a time when he, just like Kook is now, was in a state of more introverted energy where his judgment was turned inward. These are just three tiny points, but they are deep and they are points of great significance to how he does his work on a conscious level and on a soul level.

Out of curiosity, I wanted to see what it was that was missing here, something has to fit in somewhere that would allow for those roots to be pulled and have that perspective lifted and definitely got a clear answer there. For this, he got the reversed High Priestess, the Knight of Pentacles, and the reversed Emperor, which basically states that the only way for him to uproot those insecurities is to not be in a position of leadership, neither in the group on a conscious level or in the Soul Body on an etheric level. His insecurities, or more so the soil that they take root in, surrounds the fact that his mistakes and shortcomings, from his perspective, reflect on the group and affect the public’s perception of the entire group. Therefore he feels like he HAS TO hold the insecurities in order to avoid making certain mistakes again, but he’s really just ripping himself apart out of guilt.

So, yes, he feels underappreciated but only because he doesn’t actually appreciate himself the way he would like for people to believe he does.